Tomorrow...

... is Christmas eve, and in France, you celebrate this day more than the day of Christmas.

You have the huge dinner and get together, open gifts, drink, eat and eat, get sick, then take it easy on the 25th. Like a real day off. I kinda like it better this way, it's more like New Year's.

I'm going to Amsterdam Christmas Day and for a little while following, and I don't want to look fat (at least to me) in the photos. That, and I fucking hate gaining weight around the holidays. Luckily I am good at taking off the weight I have gained, if I do gain. I've never liked eating outside of my comfort zone, it just doesn't feel good.

So, I'll just do my fruit & vegetable diet as long as I can without upsetting the boyfriend. Breakfast and lunch are all fruit, but a "regular" dinner isn't optional since he is home (he'll give me a hard time if he can tell I am restricting too hard, we live together).

Though I think he will be able to understand for the holidays, at least he should. He never lets me get away with skipping dinner, or having one piece of fruit or a vegetable for dinner like in the past.

So, lots of water, some coffee, tea, watered down juice (if I crave it that bad), and whole fruits and vegetables for my meals. I've always been able to drop weight doing this, it's just avoiding a gain that I am most afraid of.

I'm not really a seasons greetings kind of person, so I'll just wish everyone courage and strength.

Bisous.

So...

So, last week was a bit hell. After me and my boyfriend fought, he left, then I left, because I couldn't stand staying inside the flat. I didn't eat and walked along the Seine until I came to the Pont des Arts (a cute pedestrian bridge), then chain smoked my last few cigarettes. After a while it started to rain, so I left to go home. I was cold, and my tee shirt happened to be thin and white.

Me and my boyfriend came home at about the same time, and talked a bit.

The next day (Friday), we fought again. Then we got locked out of the flat, which forced us to deal with each other.

And we're doing okay now. To be honest, I can't wait until next Monday, when I'll start work. I'll be out of the flat, and he'll start work Tuesday, so we won't be cooped up so much together.

I watched Je vais bien, ne t'en fais pas a couple nights ago, which is Don't Worry, I'm Fine in English. I liked it a lot. It's about a girl whose twin brother goes missing. She can't take it and stops eating. Then she gets admitted into a hospital, and I suppose you could take it from there. It was well done, and Mélanie Laurent did a good job with the role. She's a great actress. You should see it if you get the chance.

My sister is coming to visit Paris tomorrow, and will be staying with us for a while. We'll be busy with her for a while. She's more talkative than I am, and generally more cheery. She's a vegetarian, so that's easy.

I've been good lately, but I don't want to be too optimistic. The normal restricting and tiny dinners, but I can do better.

Les vacances sont finies.

à plus.