Winter Blues

It's cold here. I think minus 4ºC, or 25ºF. At least it is sunny.

I think I've been doing pretty good, cutting back, restricting pretty well, small dinners with the boyfriend. The holiday dinners were easy as well, I can't remember how many times I said "No, thanks" to extras and large servings.

Now all I have to do is wait for my weigh-in, which would make anyone nervous, I suppose.

So far, all I've had today is water, and it's 12h30 in Paris. Maybe I'll have my coffee and an apple, then have some cereal as a late lunch. No, I better not. No cereal, since I don't know what my boyfriend is planning for dinner (I work somewhat late in the evening). Better safe than sorry.

I'll aim for 54kg for now, but if I can do really well, which I think I can, I think I can....

Then 52kg. That'd be great.

I don't really have any goal date here besides "soon", which I believe hurts me. I wish I could do ABC, but I could never get anyway with it with my boyfriend around. He's the kind of guy that will wake up on a Saturday morning and tell me to get dressed quickly so we can go to the corner to buy warm croissants then later cook me dinner. It's affection, though most of the time I end up convincing him to save his money and to let me eat my special K.

Well, I hope everyone is staying on track, getting back on track, or whatever.

Good luck girls.

Bisous.

Hello there.

I'm reasonably new to this, but I need to vent on a regular basis,

so anyone is free (with proper means) to read.

I welcome all and wish the of best luck with your goals, with ana or not.

To start, today I'm still sipping my strong cup of organic earl grey from

this morning. It should last me at least an hour or so more, if not longer.

I live with my boyfriend, and he always is giving me a hard time and

suspecting me of "stupid diets" when he sees what I eat. He tries to

tempt me with sweets and fats. When we aren't together, I pretty much

don't eat, and if I have a bad craving, I usually do one of the following;

drink water, watered-down juice, coffee, or tea, and if it is very bad,

I have some fruit or a small amount of carottes rapées.

When we lunch or dinner, I only eat as much to avoid suspicion,

and always turn away as much food as I can.

I accept that I am in the low-mid normal range for my body,

at 20.7 BMI. But I want to lose more. Just a tad below underweight,

so I want to get down to 18.3. It shouldn't be too hard, normally,

but it is hard when I always have someone double-checking what I

eat and telling me that they "love my body".

My boyfriend actually really dislikes the skinny skinny look, though I

don't intend to go below 100. That isn't my goal, and for my height, I

don't think it would honestly look that good. I don't have a belly, and

I can already see my collar, ribs, and hip bone well. I just want to be

pleased and confident with how I look, which I am not at the moment.

C'est tout simplement.