jeudi 30 juillet 2009

An American in Paris.

I've been doing well, staying at about 500 calories or less everyday. I had some water and a little fresh pineapple to start my day, (had nightmares and a bad stomach ache all night into this morning). I'd love to have a coffee, but I'm going to put it off as long as I can, and drink water to take my mind off of it. If you're calorie savvy, then you'll realize black coffee has next to no calories. Unfortunately, the only coffee I want right now is with milk. And I hate milk, it's gross. Maybe I'll skip the coffee, actually. I don't even feel like I need it that bad anymore.

I haven't weighed myself since a few days, I don't have direct access to a scale, so I can only do it once or twice a week. Which I suppose is a good thing.

I'm listening to X. It's sunny and cold in Paris this morning. There is a nice cool breeze. It's refreshing. The street I live on seems especially quiet this morning.

I'm meeting my boyfriend for lunch at his work. I've been good this week, taking as little as I can, and not even finishing it. Today, a small salad and no dessert or cheese (it's french tradition to always have cheese or yogurt after a meal). Dinner will be fruit or a little carottes rapées (a very light french carrot salad).

I can't wait until September, when I'll start working. This means more freedom to not eat and get away with it. I love it.

mardi 28 juillet 2009

Hello there.

I'm reasonably new to this, but I need to vent on a regular basis,

so anyone is free (with proper means) to read.

I welcome all and wish the of best luck with your goals, with ana or not.

To start, today I'm still sipping my strong cup of organic earl grey from

this morning. It should last me at least an hour or so more, if not longer.

I live with my boyfriend, and he always is giving me a hard time and

suspecting me of "stupid diets" when he sees what I eat. He tries to

tempt me with sweets and fats. When we aren't together, I pretty much

don't eat, and if I have a bad craving, I usually do one of the following;

drink water, watered-down juice, coffee, or tea, and if it is very bad,

I have some fruit or a small amount of carottes rapées.

When we lunch or dinner, I only eat as much to avoid suspicion,

and always turn away as much food as I can.

I accept that I am in the low-mid normal range for my body,

at 20.7 BMI. But I want to lose more. Just a tad below underweight,

so I want to get down to 18.3. It shouldn't be too hard, normally,

but it is hard when I always have someone double-checking what I

eat and telling me that they "love my body".

My boyfriend actually really dislikes the skinny skinny look, though I

don't intend to go below 100. That isn't my goal, and for my height, I

don't think it would honestly look that good. I don't have a belly, and

I can already see my collar, ribs, and hip bone well. I just want to be

pleased and confident with how I look, which I am not at the moment.

C'est tout simplement.